Laying in bed, stroking my son’s silky blonde hair as he snoozed away, I couldn’t help but feel sad. I reflected on the past 16 months that we had had together and my heart overflowed with love at all the memories. The sweet snuggles and mom-son outings made up most of our time together. On one hand, I could barely wrap my head around the fact that he was almost a year and half old, but on the other, I felt like he had always been in my life. I couldn’t imagine how a new baby would fit into our perfectly imperfect lives. I looked down at my swollen belly, watching the fluttering of tiny kicks and jabs as my unborn son practiced his moves. How was I supposed to love both boys equally? How could a brand new little baby possibly compare to the established bond that I had with my first son? Oh how my heart ached! I knew that I would love this new baby, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was somehow losing something.
Watching my sweet boy sleep, I prayed that he wouldn’t feel neglected or abandoned. That somehow I would have enough love for both my boys. I wondered how he would adjust to the new baby and feared that he would feel like he had been replaced. He was so young, to young to be able to explain to him that he would soon have a baby brother.
I will forever remember that day as being the day that I allowed all the emotions that I had been feeling to flow out of me. I ignored the mess surrounding me and basked in the snuggles of my firstborn. I knew the days of having only one set of arms wrapped around my neck were numbered. I wanted with every inch of my being to both speed up the time so I could meet my new baby but to also make time stand still so I could cling to the last few moments of having only one child. Looking back, I almost feel silly for feeling as intensely as I had. My little L loves his baby brother with his whole heart and has from day one planted endless kisses upon his forehead. My new little guy, baby G, has blended almost seamlessly into our lives, and I wonder what I ever did without both my loud and energy-filled boys!